Longing for Serenity
by betweensleeping
Summary: PostBDM things aren't as serene as they once hoped. With new enemies on the horizon what new adventures will the crew face? Can Mal & Jayne sought themselves out before they lose two very special people for good? NO SLASH! MxI JxR some SxK.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first Firefly fanfic. I only just watched the season a few weeks ago for the first time and was quite sceptical as it began; sci-fi has been something I have always steered WELL clear of. Soon though I was staying up until 3am watching episode after episode until I sadly ran out just yesterday! This story obviously leaves off where Serenity ended and intends to explore the budding relationship between Mal and Inara and River and Jayne – my two favourite pairings! There will be some Simon/Kaylee but not a lot. Hope you like it! DL.**

**Disclaimer: All Joss Whedon's genius…I just like to continue the fun and keep my withdrawal symptoms under control! ******

Chapter One: Bad in the Latin

He watched, his face a mask of indifference, as Inara broke the news of her leaving to the crew of Serenity. Their reactions were as he had expected, no one surprising him with their behaviour. Kaylee immediately began to protest but soon became overcome with tears and ran from the kitchen, most likely heading for the engine room, and Mal watched as Inara forced herself to remain seated, upset by her friends tears.

Simon watched with a worried expression as Kaylee ran from the room and then nodded stoically, taking Rivers hand and heading off after the mechanic. River, of course didn't look at all surprised, and simply smiled sadly as she danced away behind her brother. The girl rarely spoke anymore, sure she was less crazy than before Miranda but it seemed she was shouldering the blame for their losses and locking herself away.

Zoe, naturally, had turned to Mal, waiting on his response with raised eyebrows. Seeing the truth plainly in the pain in Mals eyes she nodded in Inara's direction with a sad smile and then stood, quietly taking her leave. Zoe, like River, was far less vocal than she had been before the loss of Wash. Mal wasn't even sure if his second was sleeping. Simon had offered her sleeping tablets but that conversation had ended quickly. She spent most of the night sitting up on the bridge in the co-pilots seat, staring at the seat Wash used to occupy.

Jayne, who was cleaning his teeth with his bowie knife, simply grunted and walked out of the room muttering something about needing to escape all the 'feelings'. He had warmed considerably, a more 'sensitive' side to Jayne having surfaced, after Miranda but the merc was still entirely uncomfortable with people 'spillin their guts' as he referred to it.

Now only Mal and Inara were left sitting around the large kitchen table, Mal keeping his attention firmly on the wall behind Inara's head and not on her face. Inara felt an ache in her heart as she wondered what Shepherd would have said if he'd have been here. She had never expected form a connection with the Shepherd, their professions being so different but over time they had formed a pleasant rapport with one another

A charged silence fell on the room and Inara waited for Mal to say something. She'd rather he yell at her than keep up this silence; the silence that made her doubt her decision. She loved him, she didn't understand why but knew it to be true, but she couldn't se how it would ever work. Not in this 'verse or any other. She had rented the shuttle for over a year now and had done nothing but hold her tongue when his 'escapades' drew them out to the fringe and the most primitive and uninhabited of moons and worlds. Not only did it cost her money and reputation among clients but it very nearly cost her her life as he had talent for landing the inhabitants of Serenity in the most _enchanting_ of situations. He was about freedom and liberty and abhorred her way of life and on top of that they spent most of their time at each other's throats. After Miranda she honestly thought everything would change but Mal had only grown more distant and his cryptic comments had started to rival the riddles River liked to spin. Inara sighed inwardly, she just wasn't sure if she could give up the life she led. She enjoyed being a Companion; it gave her great satisfaction, she was good at it and was well respected and if her and Mal were going to do nothing but continue this ridiculous dance they had begun the first day she had stepped on board Serenity… Well that was something that she had now nipped in the bud so to speak.

"Never seen Kaylee that upset before." Mal's terse voice broke through the silence and Inara felt her defences rise. Making sure she kept her facial expression composed she turned away from the door through which everyone had fled to focus her attention on her royally gorram pissed off Captain.

"It pains me to see her so distressed."

Mal's face turned three shades off red and her statement and was surprised steam didn't shoot out of his ears, "Ye soo 'Nara, you could at least look like you mean it! Stuff the gorram companion crap 'cause there's none of us here that warrants impressin'."

_The gall of that gorram I dunno what…_ Inara stood, her hands clenched in fists by her side and she worked to keep her voice level. "How I feel is neither any of your business nor does it hold any weight in my decision any longer. But, because you continue to not only insult my profession but question my loyalty and 'feelings' I'll spell out plainly what you seem incapable of figuring out. _I'm_ torn up inside and it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and shredded into a million pieces by a pack of starving reavers. I'm losing the only real place I have ever felt at home and a family as well. I love everyone on this ship and they treat me with the same respect I have for them. For God's sake Mal even Jayne! The only person who causes me any grief on this ship is you and your plan to make my life a misery. So no, I'm not happy about leaving but it's time that I moved on. For my sake and for yours." Though her facial expression had remained composed and her voice level the sarcasm that tainted it was enough to startle even herself. Mal could have been blown over by a stiff wind and sat stunned as Inara made her way out of the room in the direction of her shuttle.

"Mal. Bad in the Latin. Clearly." Rivers unexpected voice from behind him sent Mal shooting out of his chair, heart beating wildly.

"Ain't no one ever teach you not to eavesdrop?" He shoved his chair roughly and went about gathering the dishes and placing them roughly in the sink.

"My turn." River stood beside him as he ran the water, a perturbed look on her face. Mal simply grunted ad continued to go about washing the dishes. He heard a sigh from beside him and soon the pair had the job done; River having taken over the drying. Mal leant back against the bench and crossed his arms, glaring at the chair Inara had occupied only half an hour ago.

"Tears. Guilt. Anger. Not right. "Mal raised an eyebrow and turned his head to meet rivers eerie gaze. "Wrong." She shook her head vehemently. "All wrong!"

"What have I said about getting your gorram nosey reader self outta my head!"

"Some things that broke can't be fixed." She shrugged her thin shoulders and tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "Like Inara's tears. Coming going, in and out. Questions, answers, fear and doubt...Just like on Miranda.

Mal stormed out of the roo before her snapped and popped a bullet right through that crazy brain of hers. Something he was sure wouldn't gain him any brownie points with his crew; the crew he suspected had already penned him into their bad books after Inara's announcement. Inara spun a good tale alright: 'bout work, time to move on and parting well but they all knew that he stood, firmly and stubbornly at the root of her decision to leave. Shaking his head he climbed down the ladder into his bunk and kicked the nearest thing to his foot. It was his ship gorramit! They didn't like what went on they could all get their gorram pi gu's out of his way!

In a routine that had become second nature since Miranda Mal retired early, begging the God he wasn't sure he would ever believe in again the keep the nightmares at bay.

**A/N: Let me know what you think. Be honest. DL. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Joss is Boss.**

Chapter Two: Pride Comes Before the Fall.

The next morning dawned like any other day. The cacophony of voices combined with the gentle hum of Serenity herself heralded the beginning of the end. Her shuttle was sparse, most of her things packed and waiting in the cargo hold for their removal when they docked in Shinon. The Training House was eagerly awaiting her arrival and though she looked forward to being among her own kind she still had to make it through her last day with her family. They had been pleased when she had sent them a wave, informing them that she would be returning after her altercation with the Operative and sudden departure. They didn't know that she had been involved in what had gone down on Miranda courtesy wouldn't let the, pry about her time away, something for which she had never been more grateful.

She dressed slowly, savouring the moment yet itching to get among the crew and spend every last moment with the people who had become so special to her. River had come in last night after her fight with Mal and let her know that he'd given everyone the day off but that his pride wouldn't let him knock on her shuttle door and tell him herself. _Typical gorram stubborn… _As a trained companion she had been taught to control her emotions and always keep a calm façade; something that had proved difficult and eventually borderline impossible since she had arrived on Serenity. Sighing she quickly twisted up her hair and secured it with a beaded chopstick and finished her make up before stepping out onto the catwalk.

"Mornin' Inara. Sleep well?" Jayne was leant forward with his elbows on top of the railing, watching River dance to an unheard tune across the cargo bay. Jayne's more social and calm manner still shocked her; after Miranda the big merc had softened considerably and the friendship that had blossomed between he and River…well that was something none of them understood. "Yes, thank you, I did. Have you seen Kaylee this morning?"

Jayne nodded, a smirk twitching the corners of his lips, "Simon came out of the engine room mutterin' about ruttin' moody females and rubbin' the back that prissy head of his bout an hour back. Riv' said little Kaylee's been makin' an awful racket in there since she got up at the crack of dawn."

Inara winced and bit her lip. Thanking him she gave River a quick wave and headed off in the direction of her dear friend.

Kaylee meanwhile, was three quarters shimmed under Serenity's engine and had been for the past four or so hours. After Inara's announcement last night she had retreated to the engine room, refusing to speak with Simon or River and when the tears got the better of her hiding out in her bunk. She heard light footsteps in the ground outside the engine room and began to wriggle out from underneath the engine. "If that's you Simon Tam you can shove your gorram head up your Core planet…" She ended the beginning of her tirade abruptly when she saw Inara standing with an amused expression on her face, in the doorway. "You were saying?"

Kaylee opened her mouth to speak but felt tears brim in her eyes so she began to shimmy back under Serenity's engine. "Kaywinnit Lee Frye do I have to get Jayne to come and drag you out?" Inara heard a sob escape and felt her heartbreak all over again. Kaylee shuffled her way out from her hiding place, tears making tracks down her dirty face

"Oh mei mei, come here." Inara sat down on the floor, not caring if she got grease on her dress and Kaylee leant into the embrace, the two then succumbing to tears. Soon however they were both spluttering with laughter at the messes they both were as Inara dabbed at her make up and Kaylee swiped at the remnants of her tears.

"Do you have to go so soon? We ain't even had a chance to throw ya a farewell shindig."

Inara tucked a strand of hair behind Kaylee's ear, remembering all the time she had brushed the crazy hair until it had sat in place only then to find that Kaylee had gone back into the engine room and gotten it all mussed up again. Smiling sadly she kept her eye trained on the floor, willing the tears to stop.

"The Training House is expecting me. I don't want to keep them waiting if I don't have to…" Kaylee frowned and fiddled with a piece of her hair. "But we can still see each other sometimes. You can send me a wave and we can chat about things or if you're in the area and I'm free you could come and visit. It would be fun!"

Kaylee sighed and glanced down the corridor for a moment, "'Nara…" She considered for a moment what she was about to ask, pursing her lips in concentration while Inara watched on curiously.

"Yes?"

Kaylee shrugged, "Nothin', just thinkin'." Smiling she hugged her dear friend and the two fell into their usual discussions They chatted for a little longer before Inara moved to check everything was out of the shuttle and down in the cargo bay while Kaylee, unbeknownst to the companion, strode purposefully towards the bridge.

****

Meanwhile, Mal sat brooding in the pilot's chair, trying to ignore the significance of the day. River had come up earlier but having caught wind of his thoughts had steered clear, leaving her Captain to his thoughts. His nightmares had been worse tonight and now the Battle of Serenity involved Inara. She had been there with him, fighting along side as they fought vainly and fiercely for independence. He felt him self being pulled back into the dream; he could smell the gunpowder and feel the blasts just like he had all those years ago…_This time though when they received the call from command telling them it was too hot and that they were pulling out, she was there beside him and was shot down by the incoming Alliance forces. He turned to see her lying on the hard ground, one hand pressed to her chest, trying to stem the flow of thick, dark blood that seeped through her fingers. She coughed, a single tear streaming down her face as he applied pressure. "Come on 'Nara, stay with me." She smiled weakly, coughing again and reached up a shaky hand the caress his cheek. "Mal…" and then she was gone._

"Captain, I need to talk to you." Kalyee's angry voice shot him out of his seat, gun in hand and pointed directly at her face.

Realizing that he wasn't dreaming anymore Mal replaced his gun with a shaking hand and ran a hand over his face, "Wo de ma! Little Kaylee don't ever sneak up…Argh!"

Kaylee, a little pale in the face from fright, soon remembered her reason for storming up onto the bridge. "Ain't my fault you weren't concentratin'. Then again you seem to be doin' that a lot lately."

Mal, his heart still beating madly from fright, sent a confused look in his obviously furious mechanics direction. "What in the gorram hell are you talking about?"

"Cap'n for one minute please stop talking go se and think! This is Inara last day and we needa do somethin' to make it memorable." Mal rolled his eyes and earned a scowl from Kaylee who was growing more and more frustrated by the second. "Frankly Cap'n, if you don't wanna pull your gorram head outta your pi gu there ain't nothin' I can do but 'Nara is family and she deserves the best send off we can wrangle up!" With that she turned on her hell and marched off towards the kitchen leaving Mal to wrestle with his demons and recover from the tongue lashing he knew he deserved.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Mind Games and Game Plans**

Kaylee, who had made her way quickly down to the kitchen, after her chat with the captain, was pleased to see that everyone she needed was in attendance. In fact they almost looked as though they were expecting her. _Now what in the... _She saw River smile knowingly. _Oh I see..._

River giggled and plonked herself down in the chair next to Jayne as Kaylee moved to the head of the table.

"Alrighty everyone. The reason I asked you all to come here is that I really wanna throw a little going away shindig for 'Nara before she leaves. Since Mal is too gorram stubborn I thought we could plan it ourselves for later today before we dock planet side tonight!" Kaylee had begun to bounce on the spot and was now positively shaking with excitement.

"I think it's a wonderful idea." Said Simon who had come to stand behind as he kissed her on the cheek. Her eyes shone under his praise and the crew still left sitting groaned when it became clear the loved up mechanic and doctor had forgotten there was anyone else in the room.

"It sounds good." Zoe stood and placed her cup on the bench. "I'm gathering this is a surprise?"

"What's a surprise?" Inara's voice rang out form the hallway. So engrossed in the planning of the party they hadn't noticed her approach. Kaylee quickly glanced at River who shook her head almost imperceptibly. She breathed a sigh of relief; Inara hadn't overheard what they had been discussing. Inara stood there, her brow arched quizzically as she awaited an answer.

"Uh what we we're discussing uh was that um..." Jayne's eyes flicked back and forth from River to Kaylee at lightning speed as he tried to come up with a convincing lie.

"Jayne just told me some exciting news!" All eyes flashed to River as she smirked across at Jayne, "He said next time we get in any sorts of trouble I can have Vera by my side. Said she's more reliable than any 'girly gun.'"

Zoe, Simon and Kaylee avoided making eye contact and tried to quell the laughter that bubbled up inside at the look on Jayne's face; sure he'd come a long way since Miranda but Vera...

"Well that mighty sweet of you Jayne. As much as I wish you shant be getting into anymore trouble it would be nice for river to have something that didn't require such close contact." Inara smiled and leaned against the back of a chair while River sent a wink Kaylee's way to let her know everything was alright.

"Uh...yeah well..." Jayne cleared his throat at worked to appear calm. "We would want any hurt to befall our girl here. In fact..." He sent this own smirk in River's direction. "You never know when you may need it – enemies are made mighty fast out here in the black."

Rivers raised her chin and gazed down her nose at Jayne, a smile twitching the corners of her mouth, while Kaylee coughed and spluttered trying to disguise an outburst of laughter. Inara simply laughed along none the wiser and was only too happy to comply when Kaylee asked if they could take tea in Inara's shuttle for old times' sake. Inara complied of course and wandered off to make sure she had her hairbrush on hand, Kaylee saying she would bring the tea along soon.

Once they were sure she was out of earshot the four quickly finalized the plans for their impromptu party – Kaylee promising to delay Inara as long as possible.

"I think that's a marvellous idea Jayne!" Simon, Zoe and Kaylee turned startled when River spoke up while Jayne simply rolled his eyes.

"Thought you'd given up on reading into my mind unnecessarily Moonbrain."

River pulled her best 'You're a boob' face at the use of her controversial nickname but said nothing else. Instead she stared at Jayne expectantly while he stared right back at her petulantly.

"They won't think you're stupid you big oaf just tell them."

Jayne raised his eyebrows and leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms defiantly.

Mimicking his actions River sighed and resorted to threats, "I can kill you with my brain."

Jayne said nothing but didn't break eye contact.

Her eyebrows shot up comically, "You wouldn't dare!"

Jayne still said nothing but smirked and settled more comfortably in his chair. He watched as her eyes flicked from him to the large knife on the table and back again, a smirk now gracing her own lips. His eyes narrowed and he raised his chin, daring her to do it.

"You always did look better in red." River chuckled to herself but relaxed her pose, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin in top.

Simon, Kaylee and Zoe watched on – stunned speechless – during the strange conversation between the merc and the girl. Simon stood open mouthed as Zoe and Kaylee exchanged equally surprised expressions.

"I…uh..." Simon blinked blankly, his mouth gaping open and shut like a fish out of water.

Jayne and Rivers heads turned suddenly as they both remember that there were others in the room. Their faces both turned red when they saw they had a captive audience. An awkward silence enveloped the room and Jayne – desperate for this entire exchange to be over – spoke up.

"All I was thinkin' is that we could use the music hook up down in the cargo bay..." He looked to River who smiled at him encouragingly. "Y'know like Riv' does when she dancing. We could make it look all nice and what not..." He petered off and shrugged, embarrassed by the shocked looks on the crews faces.

Everyone jumped when Kaylee squealed and lunged toward Jayne, wrapping her arms around his neck and placing a big kiss on his cheek. "Jayne, that's so shiny! Perfect for a companion! I'll go keep her busy while you guys fix up the rest of the details. Zoe, Simon - food and table setting; Jayne, River – you can set Jayne's into action. You've got a little over an hour." Without she dashed out of the room, tea in hand and left the remained reeling in her wake.

Simon and Zoe set off to the storeroom to see what they could rustle up and left river and Jayne to deal with the cargo bay.

As the pair walked side by side River argued with herself; her irrational and rational sides battling over something she did not feel she could quantify. _I wonder what that feeling is...that horrible sickness that swirled in the pit of my stomach when Kaylee hugged Jayne. It's not like I mind who hugs Jayne..._

**A/N: What do you think? I'm not really sure...the ending was a little more rushed than I intended and far shorter than I had anticipated, but I needed to cut it off there. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it! R&R if you get a chance – comments are always welcome! DL.**


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